Angel Baby

Mackenzie Lynn Segura

February......When thinking about February many think of love....Valentine's Day...President's Day...lots of things.....When I think of February four things come to mind...The first...My sissy will have a birthday on every February 12!! Then will come my mother's birthday on February 20th....And then will come a date that I will never forget and will hold deep in my heart, February 21, 2005, the day Mackenzie Lynn Segura was born and passed.   And then I will remember the very next day..the day of her laying to rest.

The title says it all....Angel Baby.  She is literally our Angel now.  You see in 2005 our family experienced an unexpected loss.  For nine months we were expecting a precious baby girl, Mackenzie Lynn Segura…….Mackenzie....Lynn....Segura.....Such a beautiful name for a beautiful girl...I  battled with Niesha over how to spell her name.....as if she was my child...I thought it should have been McKenzie....lol...the memories...I'm sure Niesha told me something like, "Well, she is not your daughter!!!"  I loved her like she was mine... Just as I do Jordan!  God had other plans for her.  She never ever took a breath outside her mother's tender loving womb.  She stayed in there and grew and grew and played and played and kicked and kicked and then when her time to enter this world was coming close, she was taken home to be with our Lord and Savior in a place we can only dream about..........I remember the call vaguely(I am sad to say vaguely). All I recall from the frantic call  was that the doctors couldn't find a heartbeat for my sister's baby and I had to leave and I had to leave right then.....I lived four hours away from my family.  Making that four hour trip knowing I wouldn't make it in time to see her little face before the Funeral Home took her was killing me inside.  I remember little about the drive there but one thing I do remember is listening to some CD's kennah(Jeremy's sister) had made me a while back....there was a song on one of the CD's that struck a cord within me and I played it over and over again...Pour My Love On You.....My brother in law, Brooks Grant was singing it.....I cried and repeated the song....cried and repeated the song....cried and called my mom and told her I had a song I wanted played at the Graveside Memorial....she granted my wish and it was played....and I cried some more....here are the lyrics:

Pour My Love On You

I don't know how….to say exactly how I feel

And I can't begin….to tell you what your love has meant

I'm lost for words

Is there a way to show…..the passion in my heart

Can I express….. how truly great I think you are

You're my dearest friend

Lord this is my desire…...to pour my love on you

CHORUS:

Like oil upon your feet

Like wine for you to drink

Like water from my heart

I pour my love on you

With praises like the perfume

I lavish mine on you

Till every drop is gone

I pour my love on you

Is there a way….to show the passion in my heart

Can I express….how truly great I think you are,

My dearest friend

Lord this is my desire…...to pour my love on you

CHORUS

So at the time of listening to this song...my sister was on my mind .....I wanted to pour my love on her....You see she is my dearest friend.....and it crushed my heart not to be there with her that day, at that hour, at that minute, even down to the second that she heard the news and then had to deliver her precious Angel Baby....

I must add here that Jordan Ashley Segura (which I helped name also) was our first Angel Baby...and Mackenzie was and addition to the Angel Baby team....

 I don't recall exactly, but I'm sure I got there, took my kids to Mick and Bev's house and rushed to the hospital.  Mackenzie was taken a just moments before my arrival. Niesha was exhausted, confused and hurting.  From that moment it seems like I was in some sort of fast forward machine not able to think or process what was happening.....we had a funeral to plan.....clothes to buy......flowers to be delivered....family to call.....a nine year old baby girl to console....a sister to hug and hold and cry with..... a mother to love who just lost her grandchild....a daddy to hold who just lost his grandchild....a brother to hug(a great big bear) and cry with.....a stepfather(wonderful man) to reach out to for comfort - he was absolutely amazing through all of this.....and most of all a niece to bury that I never got to meet.... just might have been the hardest day of my life.... 

Today, while going through my stash of Mackenzie memories, I was looking at the pictures of her laying in Niesha's arms after delivery and she looked so peaceful.  So sweet....so loving....As I am reading over all the things I have in my Mackenzie folder I read on the printout for her services that Lindsey Wheeler had WORDS OF LOVE.....I did??....I wonder what those were...did I say something at her graveside...and so I dug a little more in my stash and in fact I did have words...and here they are:

Mackenzie Lynn Segura

Mackenzie Mackenzie kinda sounds like Lindsey.

Kenzie Kenzie is her name from me!!!

She will always be in my heart.

Niesha and Jordan are two of the strongest bravest people I know!!!  They have been through alot together and always make it through with heads held high, Sometimes a little too high but high!!  our love for them will carry them through this.  God has a plan for every soul and his plan for Kenzie Kenzie is to be with Him.  She will never know hurt, pain, sorry or grief.  She will never know the madness and sadness of this world.

HOW AWESOME!!!  She went straight from her mother to our Father in Heaven!!

Love Always

In Him

Aunt Linny.

The hospital gives out these little cards for Bereavement Services...and they put Mackenzie's footprints and hand prints on them....on one side of the card is a leaf curled up and a teardrop on the inside of the leaf

...on the back of the small card is Mackenzie's footprints and some writing...it says:  The leaf with the teardrop reflects both intense suffering of loss and hope for the future.  Though fallen, the leaf maintains its vitality symbolizing hope.  It cradles the teardrop with its upturned edges creating a sense of comfort.  As seasons change, so do feelings.  Just as there is winter and spring, there is sadness and hope..

 So with lots of valium and the support of our family we made it through February 22, 2005.It was a special time with special people...you see Richard had buried his father not long before this...so Danny Shuffield - Richard's brother and a pastor was in Amarillo.He was asked to do Mackenzie's service and so he stayed in town a couple extra days and granted us that wish.It was all God's timing.

My sweet Angel Baby was born at 0117 February 21, 2005.  She was 17 3/4 inches long, and weighed 5lbs 7 3/4 oz.   So precious.

The holding of our hands is the strength and weaknesses of each of us passing back and forth and back and forth.....if not for love being the tie that binds where would we all be?

Jordan wrote a sweet poem that is now on the back of sweet girl's headstone; it was also printed on the inside left page of Mackenzie's memorial handout....it reads..

The Mansions Of Heaven

This world, however beautiful, was never meant to be

The place that we would call our home for all eternity.

And though we would not choose to leave,

A loving God knows best,

And in His time, He lifts us to a place of peace and rest.

For He has built a mansion where His children will abide,

Free from pain and sorrow, forever at His side,

He said He'd never leave us to face our trials alone,

And though sometimes we fail Him, He never fails His own.

And even when our choices are less than He would ask,

He knows when human courage is unequal to the task.

We cannot judge what happens,

Though tears and questions start -

We only see what is visible - God sees into the heart....

And though there may be many things

That we cannot explain,

We can be sure it breaks His heart

To see His children's pain.

In lovin arms, he bears us to a quest place apart

Where He mends the wounded spirit

And heals the broken heart.

And though these ones we love so much

Have left our present sight

And passed into a better world of majesty and light,

Someday we'll be together in our Father's home above,

Where we'll thank Him for His mercy

And praise Him for His love.

A sweet lady from bible class sent this to me.

 

Today I remember Mackenzie and jot down all my thoughts and memories.  I loved her from the day I found out about her conception and I still love her today.   She is my angel...I know she is sitting at the right hand of God....